Japan opens real Jurassic Park!

Japan today officially opened the worlds first real life Jurassic Park, yes just like the one from the movies.

Dr. Hiro the head of genetic engineering from Tokyo University told NTS, “It is not like the movie, nothing can go wrong.”

Where have we heard that before, oh yes in every damn disaster movie, ever.

Dr. .Hiro went on to say, “The dinosaurs are just that, they only know about food, and we included some feline DNA when we reproduced them, so basically they will only come to humans when they are hungry.”

We were lucky enough to be invited to the Grand Opening of the park, and we must say it is very impressive.

There is a lot of security and lots of places to stop for some food or some sake, and the cam girls/race queens were very helpful and also it let us have a good excuse to go back to Japan.

But like all things done “Japanese Style”, some parts of the park may seem strange to the western eye.

Like this for example:

Race queens walking around in dinosaur outfits, greeting people and scaring the shit out of children.

Once we got through the main entrance, we were taken to see the Brontosaurus’s who were down at the large lake.

Our guide told us not to worry as these creatures are vegetarian. But if one of these giant dinosaurs stepped on you, that’s it you are nothing but a squashed mess left on the ground for some poor sod to clean up.

We were then taken to a place which overlooks a nice Zen garden, very peaceful and tranquil, until we spotted the velociraptors, yes those ones, the clever, sneaky, vicious man eating predators we all came to love from the movies.

Our guide told us not to worry, as they have already been fed. He also told us that they were quite tame and we could stroke one if we liked.

After thinking about having our arm ripped off by a “quite tame” velociraptors, we decided not to touch them.

We were then taken to the “Tasty Food Diner” for a late lunch.

After a snack and some warm sake, we were taken to a small movie room, where we were shown a film about the creation process. It’s basically this:

They take the DNA from a mosquito which has the blood from a dinosaur in it, so like in the movie they have dinosaur DNA, they then add the DNA of a race queen, to keep the dinosaurs docile, and then fertilize an egg, and a baby dinosaur is born.

We were then taken out again to finally see the T-Rex. The cars are not automated like in the movie, they have a human driver, but being in Japan the cars are “tuned”, have great sound systems and lots of neon lights.

We were a little disappointed, as we only got a brief glimpse of the giant killing machine that is the T-Rex, our guide told us to read the signs as “Big Boy, is not tame.”

All in all it is an interesting and educational theme park, but we will not risk going back there.

On the way out we are sure we saw Jeff Goldblum arriving with a couple of kids………

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