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New Research shows Food is good for you!
The 8 year study which was conducted by A.C.R.O.N.Y.M (Association for Creating Random Ordinary Needless and Yummy Material) proves that there is a connection between food and being alive.
Dr. Robert Robertson, who led the study, told NTS “We have found through this extensive study, that if we take food out of the equation then people die!
13 homeless people reportedly died in the study.
Beans & Bread
Dr. Bob went on to tell us “We had a group of 30 homeless people that nobody would miss, we gave ‘Group 1’ really nice food 3 times every day, ‘Group 2’ got only water, beans and bread and the other 10 were given nothing but cigarettes!”
10 Homeless People Lived on Cigarettes, then died!
We asked Dr. Bob, “Why did 13 die then?”
“Methane, inside ‘Group 2’ overpowered them and we couldn’t resuscitate them.” Dr. Bob explained.
A Kangaroo Burger
Meanwhile another study in Australia, suggests, people should eat kangaroo and we should kill all the sheep and cows in the world.
Switching from beef to kangaroo burgers could significantly help to reduce greenhouse gas emissions, says an Australian scientist.
The methane gas produced by sheep and cows through belching and farting is more potent than carbon dioxide, smells worse and fucks the environment.
But kangaroos produce virtually no methane and are better at boxing.
Dr William Wilson, of the Australian Kangaroo Commission, urges farming them.
Sheep and cattle account for 11% of Australia's carbon hoofprint and over the years, there have been various proposals to deal with the problem, so far, shooting them is at the top of the list.
Cows are easy to Shoot!
There is some opposition to the kangaroo study, Mary McTarty from Australian Sewing Society (A.S.S) told us, “Kangaroos make terrible jackets and shoes, but they do have a nice handbag feature built in.”
Kangaroos Fight Back!
A spokesperson for McDonalds said, “We have been informed of this study and like the idea, the new McRoo will take the place of the proposed McRatty Burger we’ve been trying out in parts of Europe.”
The New McRatty Burger!
The Burger King spokesman told NTS, “The proposal will fail, as kangaroos are a fucker to catch.”