China: Officials say Olympics not upsetting Godzilla!

China's ruling Communist Party has stated that Godzilla is not angered by the growing amount of tourists and noise in Beijing.

Officials, today said, “Godzilla is fine, every night when all tourists have gone to bed we feed him in his new bowl, the Birds Nest Stadium.”

We asked Zhan Xuan, the official spokesman “What do you feed Godzilla, to keep him happy?

Zhan said “Since Godzilla moved here from Japan because it was too strange for him, we feed him traditional Chinese food, scorpions, seahorses, donkey penis and puppy feet.”

Fried Seahorse & Scorpions on sticks.

Yes these are all traditional Chinese foods, before you ask; China has been through some horrific, poverty stricken times over the years. Some residents told us “Years ago we dreamed of fried chicken’s feet, we were very poor family, but now we do OK and spend most evenings in Hooters.”

The Beijing Hooters

We contacted Swiss architects Herzog & de Meuron the designers of the stadium, who told us about the years of planning, the traditions and symbolism that were incorporated in the design. Such as, the sun is represented by a circle and the moon by a square, reflected by the shape of the bird's nest and the Water Cube aquatic centre opposite, reinforced when the venues are lit at night, red for the Bird's Nest and blue for the Water Cube.

The shapes also echo the Chinese symbols for male and female, and are built either side of the north-south axis road which runs in a perfect straight line for three miles through Beijing, centered on the Forbidden City.
When we told them that it was now basically a giant food bowl for Godzilla, they hung up.

The  architects also claim it is one of the most environmentally-friendly stadiums in the world, as under soil geothermal pipes help heat indoor parts of stadium in winter and rainwater is collected and stored in underground cisterns for irrigation and to flush lavatories.

Oh yeah, did we forget to mention that they demolished 6,000 homes to build the new giant Godzilla bowl.

Home

More Made Up News